Tomi

Man oh man, have we been busy here at HQ.

I've been working long shifts, surviving on scavenged sticky-rice, and staying out WAY too late blowing off steam.

Today is my 37th birthday, and my present is actually getting to stay at home with The Lads. Tonight we're getting a sitter, dining at PING, and then going to a newly smoke-free Sassy's to check out the monday shift of you-know-what girls.

If my wife buys me a lap-dance, my life will have reached a state of near perfection.

Wish me luck.

**********

On to the task at hand.



I got all excited when I saw these "Portuguese" sardines on a cluttered shelf at the local Asian market.

It was only when I was preparing to taste them that I took the time to read the label and realized that they may be Portuguese Style, but actually hail from the Philippines.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love food from all over the world, and will taste nearly anything, even if I know that it's going to be discreetly deposited back into a napkin after a few chews.

This being said, I have never, not one time, eaten anything even remotely palatable from these seven-thousand and something islands.

It's a failing on my part. I have not visited. Never partaken of the cuisine in its natural setting. My experiences have thus far been confined to the grayish meats in overly salty sauce found in the lunchroom of the lumberyard in San Francisco where I toiled as a young man.

Things that, unbelievably, tasted even worse than they smelled.

Those things, and fucking Mang Tomas.


I bought this bread-crumb based sauce, thinking that it might add a little zing to my late night/early morning excursions into whatever's rattling around in the inner reaches of the icebox.

I tried it.

It is on the back of the lazy susan, hidden behind the cheap olive oil that I use to lube my pocket-knives. Every once in a while I have to give it a spin and see old Mang's smiling face pass buy. It's like a kick in the balls, but I can't bring myself to throw it away.

Anyway, these sardines were like that.

They sucked.

They are what Patches thinks all canned fish taste like.

Two bites and since the cat wasn't around, I pitched them.

Zero Tins.